I wanted him to take responsibility for destroying our beautiful family, and for walking away without a second glance while expecting us to be okay with it just because he made a decision to leave.
I wanted him to look at what he’d done and say, “I hurt you. I’m sorry,” but he never did.
The waiting…
I expected him to realize the pain and destruction he left behind. Most of all, I expected him to care about it, but he didn’t. It was like we never existed or were ever a priority in his life.
I could not believe the man I’d been with for 30 years could do this. It was disorienting and upsetting.
I truly expected him to walk back in one day or call and say that he couldn’t believe he had hurt us like that.
I kept waiting and checking my phone while imagining the conversation. I was holding space for him to show up and make this right.
Days turned into weeks… weeks into months…I was stuck. Not moving forward or healing. I was just waiting.
The moment…
Then my mom died suddenly, and he barely made an attempt to be there for us.
After 30 years as part of my family, after all she had done to help raise his kids, when he learned the grandmother whom his children adored had died, he didn’t show up for them.
With that action, he made it very clear that we no longer mattered.
That’s when I really understood that he had moved on.
It was time to stop waiting for an apology that was never coming. I needed to focus on my healing. It was time for me to move on without him, even though he still had not owned what he’d done… even though it was his choice that put me in this position.
Thankfully, I was working with my coach by then, so I had the tools and knew how I was going to heal through this, but first, I had to let go of the need for him to take accountability.
The shift…
Letting go of the need for him to take responsibility for our pain opened up my life.
I started working on rewiring my beliefs…
The belief that he needed to fix this. The belief that I had done something to deserve this disrespectful treatment.
During this work, I recognized and embodied something powerful: I was in control of my “what’s next.” That was a mic-dop moment for me.
By waiting for him to apologize or take ownership, I was actually giving him power over my healing and my state of mind. I took back my control when I stopped waiting for him to somehow make this right.
That waiting kept me trapped and feeling terrible about myself. I thought I needed that apology to move on. What I needed was to free myself of the belief that his owning this would somehow make it better. It was time for me to move forward into my own life.
This was not what I had planned for my future. This was not my choice; however, I get to choose what’s next.
That was empowering and freeing.
Where I am now…
I’m living my life.
I recognize my own authority in my own life.
I understand that keeping myself from moving ahead because I was waiting for him to take responsibility was a waste of my time and energy. I did not need that from him to reclaim myself and my life.
He will never apologize. He will never take accountability. He will never acknowledge the pain he caused, and I’m okay. Not because he finally gave me what I needed, but because I stopped needing it from him.
If you’re still waiting for the apology, for the acknowledgment, for him to realize what he’s done, I see you.
I know what that waiting feels like, and I’m here to tell you: you don’t need it from him.
You can heal without it.
You can move forward without it.
You can reclaim your life without it.
The moment you stop waiting is the moment you take back your power.
